We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
