1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just tell him i said nine months
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
