I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
