we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
