Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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