I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
