shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
