I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
