I looked at my own cervix.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
