I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
