oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
