i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
