So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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