Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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