That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
