Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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