M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
