I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm too high and old for this...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
