She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it's like iHOP with fire
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
