bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
nutella sex= disaster
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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