when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
