Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
