I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
