5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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