he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
