My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
