So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My vagina is very pro this idea
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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