When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
two words: eviction party
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
