i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
