i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
my liver is dry heaving
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
