Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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