but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
