you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
