420 ftw
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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