I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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