when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
