i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
