The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
