I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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