ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
