god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
