we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
