I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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