You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
