Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
