he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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