Having a random hookup so left but love u
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
