I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
