In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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