i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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