I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have fence marks all over my body
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
