Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
