She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
