I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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