In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
