I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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