My pussy is not your playground.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
