You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
