I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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