booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
