you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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