Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
