yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
